“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” — Henny Youngman.
E D I T O R I A L N O T E
This is not a treatise on the pros or the cons of married life. It is merely a personal quest to discover how you the reader feel about your own wedding vows. They are all rhetorical questions and need not be replied to. The choice is totally yours to make.
Did you believe the march down the aisle to the altar would lead to a lifestyle of commitment and undying love and devotion?
With time have you discovered that your own naivety and eagerness to get married blinded you to the reality of your intended lifelong partner as a person with his own needs and personality?
Has the traditional marriage knot morphed over time into a noose around your neck making you less in love with your partner and more concerned about ending this stifling relationship?
Many folks I know candidly say that they are “living a lie” and that the honeymoon mystique of their marriage ended many years ago. They have become a parent to their spouse.
The ailing spouse in many situations still thinks that the marriage is going well and there is something wrong with the other person wanting an escape from it.
They desperately cling to their once devoted spouse. The honeymoon phase is still alive and well in their minds. Meanwhile, the almost healthy spouse is popping tranquilizers like tic tacs.
Parents are advised to have a good heart-to-heart chat with their children not only about sex but also about the reality of personal commitment to another person for a lifetime. Medical advancements have enabled many of us to live longer more productive lives but that is only one side of the coin.
When a man or woman becomes a caretaker for their significant other’s health, welfare and well-being then that tug on the marriage vow increases geometrically with each passing day.
A sense of panic and dread form for both individuals: they are both concerned about their futures long-term. One as a perpetual caregiver; the other as a dependent burden on their mate.
Children evaluate how their own parents interact with one another. A positive loving home should be the norm but reality steps in and throws curve balls of disruption that challenges our mental well-being everyday.
Clinging to vows that were made many years ago when the participants were wearing rose-colored glasses differs when time passes and the lenses of optimism are cracked by daily living.
Times and circumstances and ideals do change. One’s personal health and well bring should take precedence over societal expectations and beliefs. You only have one life to live.